Egad, Homs! A Dinosaurus!

Hello.
I am Sarlog Homs.
My reputation precedes me, as always.
You know who I am.
I'm that fellow who put a slug on that child's face. Great Caesar's ghost, that was a good time. That woman was there. She threatened to put a child on my slug's face!
I said "Madam, if you do that," and here I looked her square in the eye, "I will gut you."
How we laughed and laughed.
And then I gutted her.
No one laughs at Homs.

The title of this short but sweet post, for those curious sputes among you, refers to a short exclamation made by my good friend Mistletoe Jack. We were just discussing how the ipod generation needed a good looking at, morally speaking, when all of a moment an enormous Dinosaurus began to chow down on his fleshy thighs! The exclamation was made at the point between spotting the beast and it beginning its chowing down.
Sadly, Misty J (as we friends called him) did not survive though I did keep his pelt for posterity. It's as I always say: If you can't do something for posterity, what can you do?

I told this to a person just before accessing the internet to preserve the information (for posterity) and he said to me, "A dinosaurus? I see two main problems with this story. Number one:" he said, "A dinosaurus is not a thing. Dinosaurs were a large group of lizards that died out 65 million years ago, which brings me nicely on to number two:" he was a smug young horse-assaulter, "they are now extinct!"
Needless to say, I gutted him on the spot but before I did I gave him this reply:
"A Dinosaurus is a particular species of Dinosaur which survived by hiding in a small wigwam when the meteor smashed ten bells out of this god forsaken ball of toss-pots we call a planet," I was implying, of course, that he was a toss-pot himself, "and survived for many millions of years initially by eating bugs and rodents and what-not and living on an island that NO-ONE DARETH ENTER! More recently he has made a living from Hollywood movies and special effects. He is particularly good at puppetry. He is considered a genius in the industry so when he ups and bites a soft and fleshy portion out of a good friend of yours and makes a wet crunching noise as he chews it thoughtfully and the sloppy gore drips from his gigantic mouth, splattering passers by, perhaps getting in their mouths by accident, YOU DO NOT PULL HIM UP ON IT!"

Now I believe I will eat an apple.
I will miss Mistletoe Jack. He always gave me money.
Well, I took it from his wallet, but he never minded.
Well, I'll be honest, he never knew.
But if he had known I'm sure he wouldn't have minded.
Well, he would have probably gutted me.
But that's what made him such a great man.

Awful taste in music though.
Simply awful.
On reflection I'm probably glad he's dead.

Write to me more, my postman keeps mentioning that he doesn't see me often enough.

Lots of Love

Sarlog

P.S. Do you owe me £17? Someone owes me £17 and I can't remember who it is. If you owe me £17 I'll get it back, you know!