Saturday 6 November 2010

Dear George,

I've been asking around and I'm starting to become a little concerned about you. I've spoken to a few friends and we're all rather worried that you don't really have the funds to pay for the life of bat-shit insanity that you've become accustomed to. I therefore feel duty bound to step in and offer a little advice to help turn your life around.

Now wait, I know you're feeling sorry for yourself after some of your recent money-spinning ideas went awry but that doesn't mean you should just give up. It seems to me that you just need a little push, a little encouragement. Go with something that you know people like, a crowd pleaser. You could maybe recycle one of your old ideas. Then, when a bit of money's come in from that, you might feel a tad more adventurous and you con really give your all to something original.

Which idea should you recycle? Well I don't know. There are so many to choose from...
Alright, how about this...Star Wars 3D! - Or Indiana Jones, it doesn't really matter, either are bound to be a rip roaring success!
What? No, people do still like Star Wars. I promise. Yes, Indy too. People are very forgiving.
3D: It's the way forward!
Come on, George I know I can win you round.

Oh, you're still skeptical...
Well now look, I know my last ideas for you didn't go down so well with the fans. C3P0 and R2D2 advertising TVs, aliens in Indiana Jones 4...well all of Indiana Jones 4, really. All that business with Boba Fett's voice and Hayden Christensen at the end of Jedi, but I say what's more important? Preserving a film beloved to millions or continuity?
Now you're with me.

Anyway there wouldn't be any problems like that with re-releasing in 3D. There wouldn't have to be any directorial tinkering, it's a purely technical process. A real money maker!
...Oh, you want to do some tinkering...Well, alright, but I'd get some advice from Spielberg on that side of things. He sure got it right with ET!

The fans...yes, the fans.
Well they don't have to like it, they just have to pay you the money, am I right?
And you do like money, don't you?

I'm glad.
I think this business could make everything better for you.
And pay no mind to the death threats, that wall around your ranch is...probably tall enough.

Lots of love.

SH

1 comment:

  1. While I have made my peace with the fact that I will forever be in an extreme minority for my enjoyment of Indy 4 (or, as I like to call it, "It Was Better Than Temple of Doom So There"), I must take umbrage at your claim that *all* of it was unworthy of love. Might I remind you that one short scene featured Neil Flynn, a.k.a. "The Janitor from Scrubs"? Surely, if the presence of Messers Hurt, Broadbent, Winstone and Cate Blanchett As A Psychic Commie With A Sword And Lego Hair cannot sway you, that can.

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