A Very Fine Film Indeed

Dearest reader,

As a detective (of sorts) I often feel the need to detect.
Indeed, there is very little I will not attempt to detect in one manner or another. Maybe you will see me, of an afternoon, swinging a metal detector wildly around a local park, trying to discover which trees have gold in (very few) or if dogs are made of aluminium (they are!). Mayhap I could be spied asking an unusually large builder why his head is so big or asking a doctor of medicine why an eye goes black when one is hit by a builder.
You see, I will detect anything.

One recent and truly top-hole detection I have made is that of a curious film based on the much loved series of books by writer and mentalist Arthur Conan Doyle, "Sherlock Bones The Motion Picture."
The books, as you might have guessed, are about a crime solving dog with a Scottish accent and a penchant for leading fat, ugly children around in the name of detection, a dog after my own heart (as I am a man after a dog's heart!). It concerns smugglers, smuggling and attaching manquins to boats.

The film is an authentic representation of "Bones" in so far as he is a dog with a Scottish accent solving crimes, fat children, men in lycra shorts etc. etc. However, it commits that frequent and most heinous of crimes: transporting the stories to America, home of the brave, land of the fee, house of the Whopper, the big meg, the chilli on cheese, the cheese on toast, where's my beef, helicopter's folly, Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Any realism that the original books may or may not have contained is completely wiped away by this incongruity and after mere minutes of listening to the talk-boxes of some of these yankee doodles one, as always, becomes nauseous.

Another unfathomable detail is the glaringly obvious omission of "Watson", Bones' flying nursemaid with a brain capacity the size of a super-computer and "Moriarty: The Horse With The Force."

Despite these little snafus Sherlock Bones The Motion Picture is quite the rollercoaster ride of emotions. The main one being the need to punch fat, ugly children square in the jaw.
And in that way is it not 100% accurate to the book? I say 'yes'!

Any self respecting or self loathing fan of the mad druid Arthur Conan Doyle should immediately beg borrow or steal this moving photogram on Video Laser Disc or beta-max wax cylinder.

It's fun for all the family (although second-cousins may feel sexually uncomfortable during some scenes).

Watch it and report back to me.

HOMS