Crustacean Delights

Hello.

Yesterday I stopped being a crab, as I had promised myself I would. Was it the right decision? Well, only time will tell. And as they say, time is money and money talks! So maybe money will tell. I'll make sure to keep a close eye on the pictures of Issac Newton I keep in my pockets.
I had been in a crably shape for quite some time, detecting various crab/lobster related anomalies which I won't go into here. Suffice it to say it was a completely great time and not at all a waste of my not inconsiderable detecting abilities.
During my time as a crab I managed to befriend various and sundry sea and land animals and plants and their combined knowledge and experience taught me a great many things. Here is a list of those things:
1, "Lost" is completely over/underrated.
2, A change is as good as a rest.
3, A bird in the hand is worth eating quickly before it escapes.
4, You couldn't do that in real life, it must be photoshopped.
5, Red sky at night, shepherd's alright. Red sky at morning, shepherd's a-yawning.
6, You're not allowed to say 'Eskimo' any more.
As you can see, these are pieces of advice previously unknown to mankind and for presenting them to the internet thus I believe I will be sat on the Nobel Prize for catering in no time.

One of my fondest memories of my time as a crab was when my whale friend, Boris-Martin Fantashelle, came up on to the sand for a bit of an old conversation. We talked for a good seven hours before he finally exploded. Those were the days.
Now all there is left to me is to readjust to my less crustacial appearance and to try and avoid holding my hand like a pincer and jabbing people who annoy me. But that, I know, is a problem we all face.

Sarlog Claws

You might have thought, prior to reading this, "Why, it has been many moons since Sarlog Homs last pumped the blogosphere full of his hot salty ideas" and, in a way, you would right in thinking so. However, moving fluidly between dimensions, as is my wont, I often experience time on a different scale to smaller animals and therefore what may seem like a matter of months to you is closer to a matter of many years to me. Also I've had a lot on, alright? Jeez, get off my back. No one pays me for this you know.
What?
Nothing!
I wasn't doing anything!
I've just been busy in general, okay?